In class we’ve been working on writing essays, from start to finish in 45 minutes. It’s a really tough thing for 4th graders. To be honest, it’s a tough thing for anyone; especially if the prompt isn’t “your thing.” In that time limit, we expect the students to have a well organized essay with clear details and vibrant vocabulary, grabbers, take-away endings as well as generally good writing conventions such as spelling and punctuation. Below is a narrative essay written by Raegan. Raegan is a voracious reader who is one of my best writers. When she submitted this essay, I couldn’t resist asking her permission to publish it for the world to enjoy. It is published as is however, I changed some spacing. Your feedback is most welcome.
The prompt was, “Tell about a time you broke a rule.”
My warm fingers slid across the keys of my phone, almost dancing. “Ding!” My message had been sent. I was in aftercare (boring!) and was bored so I started texting my friends. I could hear the shuffling of Mr.Davids feet coming towards me and quickly stuffed my phone in my jacket pocket. “Close one” I thought to myself.
In school there is this obnoxious rule that your not allowed to use cell phones, and yes I was breaking that far-fetched rule.As I headed towards the school bathroom to text some more, I passed a yellow sign plastered to the wall that read “NO CELL PHONES!” I started to feel a bit like a criminal, but in the same breath how would me texting my friends do any harm? Without sleeping on the question, I hurried into the ladies room and got ready to start a marathon on a phone keyboard. My fingers pressed the letters with desire and passion, almost as if they were a vampire who hadn’t drank blood in years. After I sent a message I realized I had to get out of here before someone noticed me. So I put my phone in my pocket and scurried out looking kind of sinister.
I creaked the door open and entered the noisy eardrum-breaking aftercare portable. Luck was on my side because no one had noticed my absent. I plopped down in a chair and started texting under the table. And that’s when my luck faded away.
Mr. David was tapping on my shoulder. I slowly turned around and gave him a worried “hi”. He just looked at me with a smug expression on his face. “No phones in school” and then he gave me a written warning. Oh no was all that was going through my mind.
Ok, so I broke a rule and got a warning. I guessed I deserved it, now I know I shouldn’t brake rules. As my dad says ” You can’t do the time , don’t do the crime!”
Reagan…this is so well done!! I am a high school teacher and I agree with you…the cell phone rule is quite obnoxious. It’s funny…principals and vice principals always say that cell phones are more trouble than good because students can easily communicate with one another about things that are happening in school and can use texting for bad things during class (cheating) but you know what? When I was in school, I NEVER had any trouble communicating with my friends even without a cell phone. Many adults in education are afraid. Afraid because they do not understand how valuable these devices and this technology are to students like yourself. We need to stop being scared and understand that we need to be using things like this in class. I’ve been breaking the rules a bit in my classes too. We’re using cell phones all of the time and you know what? I have less problems with texting and students doing things they shouldn’t in my class than teachers who ban them do. It was a pleasure reading this. Thank you for allowing Mrs. Kolbert to share this with us…
Nice story! Too bad Mr. David caught you! Now you know, NO TEXTING! Hehe
Reagan, this essay was fantastic and I really do agree with you in many ways. You made your point so eloquently. Although I have not found an appropriate activity yet for my 6th grade math class I know it is only a matter of time that texting in class will be as common as using a calculator. You are young enough that I can say with some assurance you will be using that phone as an educational tool very soon. Keep up the good writing.
Loved your essay! I especially like the line, “My fingers pressed the letters with desire and passion, almost as if they were a vampire who hadn’t drank blood in years.” Please consider starting your own blog!
omg!!!!!!!!!!!thats such a good story and you used such good vocabulary.well now you know NO TEXTING IN SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!
Thank you soooooo much for all the great comments
i really appreciate your support thx!!!!!!
We have taught our daughter that she can accomplish anything that she sets her mind on doing! Raegan writes with true passion. We believe that her passion will take her far in life no matter what she chooses to do… We are very proud of her and feel blessed to say that Raegan is our daughter! Much love and happiness always! xoxoxo
What a great essay. I think there are good and bad uses for using cell phones in class. I had a principal once who gave the students privileges and said if they were abused then they would be taken away. So why can’t we do that with cell phones.
By the way I predict you will get a 6 on the up coming FCAT Writes.
Wow, great story-Raegan, like Jessica I guess you learned to only text in the bathroom. I’m better then hehe… HHHHAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAHHHHHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey,thats an astonishing story Raegan, you are a talented writer!!
Nice essay raeg ur a talented writer!!!!!! Ur gonna go far!!!