Jan
23
Filed Under (writing) by Lee Kolbert on 23-01-2010

textimageIn class we’ve been working on writing essays, from start to finish in 45 minutes. It’s a really tough thing for 4th graders. To be honest, it’s a tough thing for anyone; especially if the prompt isn’t “your thing.”  In that time limit, we expect the students to have a well organized essay with clear details and vibrant vocabulary, grabbers, take-away endings as well as generally good writing conventions such as spelling and punctuation. Below is a narrative essay written by Raegan. Raegan is a voracious reader who is one of my best writers. When she submitted this essay, I couldn’t resist asking her permission to publish it for the world to enjoy. It is published as is however, I changed some spacing. Your feedback is most welcome.

The prompt was, “Tell about a time you broke a rule.”

by Raegan
My warm fingers slid across the keys of my phone, almost dancing. “Ding!” My message had been sent. I was in aftercare (boring!) and was bored so I started texting my friends. I could hear the shuffling of Mr.Davids feet coming towards me and quickly stuffed my phone in my jacket pocket. “Close one” I thought to myself.

In school there is this obnoxious rule that your not allowed to use cell phones, and yes I was breaking that far-fetched rule.

As I headed towards the school bathroom to text some more, I passed a yellow sign plastered to the wall that read “NO CELL PHONES!” I started to feel a bit like a criminal, but in the same breath how would me texting my friends do any harm? Without sleeping on the question, I hurried into the ladies room and got ready to start a marathon on a phone keyboard.

My fingers pressed the letters with desire and passion, almost as if they were a vampire who hadn’t drank blood in years. After I sent a message I realized I had to get out of here before someone noticed me. So I put my phone in my pocket and scurried out looking kind of sinister.

I creaked the door open and entered the noisy eardrum-breaking aftercare portable. Luck was on my side because no one had noticed my absent. I plopped down in a chair and started texting under the table. And that’s when my luck faded away.
Mr. David was tapping on my shoulder. I slowly turned around and gave him a worried “hi”. He just looked at me with a smug expression on his face. “No phones in school” and then he gave me a written warning. Oh no was all that was going through my mind.

Ok, so I broke a rule and got a warning. I guessed I deserved it, now I know I shouldn’t brake rules. As my dad says ” You can’t do the time , don’t do the crime!”