Oct
25

A Different Cinderella Story

Filed Under (writing) by Lee Kolbert on 25-10-2009

In class, the students wrote essays based on Cinderella. They were to begin their essays similar to the traditional Cinderella story, and then somewhere around the middle, they were to make the story their own; taking it in a new direction.

Below is Alayna’s story. What are your thoughts?

A Different Cinderella Story

By Alayna S.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far, away….a beautiful girl named Cinderella lived a lovely life with her Mother and Father.  One sunny, spring morning, Cinderella’s Father awoke to find his wife lying motionless in bed.  They escorted her out to their quaint cottage and to the Doctor.  Checking her heart, the Doctor realized that it was not pumping blood.  Astonished and depressed, Cinderella’s Father headed for town to find another young maiden to marry.  He soon found a tall woman with hair as red as ripe apples named Madame Dooney.  She had two girls of her own named Looney and Gooney.  Desperate to be in love again, Cinderella’s Father married her.  One year after their wedding, he died.  Cinderella was forced to live with her Stepmother who insisted she be the family’s servant.  Looney and Gooney, her daughters, always teased Cinderella and made more work for her.  They taunted her by calling her names like “bucket of mud” and “dirty diaper.”  Cinderella had to sleep in the kitchen corner with all of the rats and mice.

One day, a letter from the Prince, Prince Peter, arrived. He was in search of a young maiden to marry. Of course, Looney and Dooney bragged that they would be the gorgeous maiden he was looking for.  The letter stated that the Contest Ball would be held that night. Cinderella watched as Madame Dooney, Looney, and Gooney got dressed up in their finest clothes.  “May I come? “ she asked hopefully.  “Yes,” Madame Dooney replied, “but only if you finish these chores.  Sneering, she unraveled a long list of chores that nearly reached the ground.  “Yes Ma’am,” Cinderella sighed.  Taking the list, she watched as all three women departed.  Sobbing, Cinderella ran swiftly to the garden and wept.

Suddenly there was a puff of smoke and a blast of light.  Standing near the large oak tree was an old woman with her cloak as black as the night.  Her hair was white and her skin was wrinkled like a raisin.  Cinderella stopped crying abruptly and stared at the old woman in front of her.  “Who are you?” questioned Cinderella.  The woman explained that she was her Fairy Godmother.  “I see you wish to go to the ball.” With a wave of her wand, white horses, tall coachmen, and a beautiful carriage with gold trim appeared out of thin air. “Thank you!” cried Cinderella.  With another wave of her wand, Cinderella’s torn rags transformed into an elegant, shimmering, blue gown with delicate glass slippers on her feet.  “Beware, “warned the Fairy Godmother, “the magic will wear off at midnight and everything will return to normal!”

As Cinderella stepped into the ballroom, music and laughter filled her ears.  The staring crowd, including Prince Peter, gasped at her beauty.  Cinderella and Prince Peter danced gracefully through the night.

Suddenly, the clock chimes began to ring.  “It is 12:00 – I must be going,” Cinderella cried as she turned to flee the room.  “Wait,” the Prince hollered, “what is your name?” “My name is…………………..Cinderella, “she cried over her shoulder as she sprinted out the ballroom doors.

“It’s Cinderella!” exclaimed the stepsisters to each other.  “She must be punished,” screamed Madame Dooney.  The three angry women marched out the palace door to find Cinderella!

When they arrived home, Madame Dooney and her girls found Cinderella in her dirty rags sweeping the dusty floor.  “You went to the ball, “the stepsisters said through their clenched teeth.  They grabbed her by the hair and forced her into the attic, locking the heavy, metal door behind her.

Back at the palace, Prince Peter was desperate to find Cinderella.  Having no luck going door to door, he searched for her name on Facebook.  Surprisingly, there was only one young maiden named Cinderella!  He was ecstatic and typed her a message immediately that said, “Where are you, my darling?” Luckily, Cinderella had kept her iphone in her apron pocket.  She received his text message and told him her location.

Prince Peter disguised himself as a cleaning service.  He knocked at Madame Dooney’s door, and explained that he was from, “Peter’s Perfect Paradise Cleaning Service.”  Because they were in need of a new maid, they were thrilled to see him!

Searching the dirty laundry, Prince Peter discovered the attic key hidden in Madame Dooney’s dress pocket.  The brass key was heavy, but Prince Peter slowly crept up the steep and winding attic staircase with it.  He unlocked the heavy, metal door, and found  Cinderella waiting there patiently for him!  Cinderella leapt into the Prince’s arms, and they hugged each other tightly.  “I know this is a little early, but will you marry me?” asked the Prince.  “Of course I will,” Cinderella cried, “But, how shall we get out of here?”

“That is simple,” replied Prince Peter, “we will use the app ‘fly for free’.”  Then they kissed as they parachuted out the attic window and landed on the green grass.  Hopping onto Prince Peter’s steed, they rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after!

THE END!



18 Comments Already, Leave Yours Too

Sharon Elin on 25 October, 2009 at 10:26 am #
    

Fairy tales come true in the 21st Century, thanks to iPods and social networking… OK, it’s far-fetched, but totally delightful! I absolutely loved this! Well-written and fun. Thanks!


Jessica on 25 October, 2009 at 10:32 am #
    

HA HA!!! Looney and Gooney!!! LOL!
Now we know that facebook and iphones are VERY important to our life! Espessilly CINDERELLA!!!! :)


TJ Shay on 25 October, 2009 at 10:33 am #
    

Alayna,

This is a very clever way to update the story of Cinderella. I like how you solved the conflict using present-day problem solving.

I enjoyed reading your work!


Mrs. Hannan on 25 October, 2009 at 10:37 am #
    

I absolutely loved and enjoyed reading the story. Great similes…vivid verbs Loved the twist of her having the iphone and facebook. Fantastic writer, I could actually see this as a book.


Pat on 25 October, 2009 at 10:38 am #
    

What a great story! I love how this old fairy tale has a modern twist! I guess it would be a good reason to always have an iphone in your pocket! :)


Aviva on 25 October, 2009 at 10:55 am #
    

Your story was fantastic! You proved exactly what I’ve been speaking to the parents in my class about since September: social networking is the communication tool of the future, and that’s why it’s so important that we expose even our youngest learners to it now. What a wonderful fairytale for the 21st century!


Mary M on 25 October, 2009 at 11:39 am #
    

I guess there is a definite reason to let my students bring their iphones to class now!


@OCHSlibrarian on 25 October, 2009 at 11:46 am #
    

I would love to see this book in my library. A great combination of fantasy mixed with 21st century hi-tech realistic fiction. The turn in the story was excellent. Good writing!


Robin Martin on 25 October, 2009 at 12:00 pm #
    

I was not expecting that ending! I love how you made it so current and the Fly app is very creative. Awesome ending to happily ever after! I will share this with some of my middle school teachers too.


Julie Niles Petersen on 25 October, 2009 at 12:22 pm #
    

I really enjoy when writing takes me by surprise and you certainly accomplished that with the inclusion of Facebook. When I got to that point in the story, I laughed out loud and realized that, yes, in today’s world, a Facebook search would certainly be a logical thing to do. Great piece of creative writing. Thank you for sharing. I really enjoyed your work.

P.S. I wonder if there really is a Cinderella listed in Facebook. And what about Dooney, Looney, & Gooney? :)


Peter on 25 October, 2009 at 1:31 pm #
    

I really liked the story.I enjoyed the 21st century details. Someone once said that in a good story you care about the characters, as a reader. I did care about Cinders. Particularly, I thought the facebook app to search for her was a novel twist. Send the story to Apple.


Jonie Rasmussen on 26 October, 2009 at 3:48 pm #
    

Great story Alayna! I really enjoyed all the “updated” details, made it much more interesting! Keep up the great writing. Jonie (University of Regina)


juje on 2 November, 2009 at 12:24 pm #
    

ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,-oh,i was laughing
so hard,i almost forgot i was in the
middle of a blog post.i loved the similies,and good choice of strong
vocab.i almost split my sides when
you mentioned facebook and i phone.
i really shoud check if there is “fly
for free” on my i touch.
keep up the good work,
julianna


Alayna on 4 November, 2009 at 4:50 pm #
    

thanks for the cool comments!


Jordana C. on 4 November, 2009 at 8:26 pm #
    

great story Alayna i love the strong vocabulary you wrote


Micheal Head on 6 November, 2009 at 8:53 pm #
    

Great story. I’m glad to see how technologically literate your characters are. It definitely added a modern relation to the classic story. Good job.


katie on 9 November, 2009 at 5:37 pm #
    

that was like Cinderella till the i-phone part!
i loved the story!


Eriel on 29 November, 2009 at 10:35 am #
    

i love the modern touches!my favorite part was when the prince searched on Facebook! lol.